I AM the sort of glutton who can eat out every day, twice a day, for the rest of my life. Mind you, our 'ghar ka khana' is considered good enough for us to start a restaurant ourselves. But, for me, the adventure lies in trying out different foods at different venues. It's the whole experience of getting out and getting fed, without having to bother about leftovers. And hey, if there's no salt in a dish - hang the chef. Can't do that with the resident cook - we still need Subhash, to keep the family in maachher-jhol. Grading restaurants, under these circumstances, isn't as easy as it may appear to those for whom eating out is just another "time pass" situation. I take food seriously. Very seriously. And I take all commercial eating places seriously, too. When money exchanges hands one has to know what one is getting in return for each buck spent. Nobody likes to feel short-changed at the end of any transaction. Even bhel puri worth Rs. 10 enjoyed at a roadside stall, has to be worth the money. Is the chutney rancid? The puffed rice, soggy? The sev, limp? I want my money back. Here's my list of the top four restaurants in Bombay. I have short-listed them using a fairly simple yardstick. Do I want to go back? Will I get the same quality of food and service if I do?

The Zodiac Grill:
Stop right here. Before you go into raptures over their signature dishes, consider what's served gratis and which most people foolishly either ignore or take for granted - the broccoli capuccino - elegantly served in a mini-kettle, it is worth elevating to a featured item on the outstanding menu. The Camembert Dariole definitely rules, but it has its off days (I've been served a version with more whipped egg whites and less cheese. Too eggy, less yummy.) The Cajun Pomfret is consistently brilliant. It's one dish you can safely count on. As for the desserts, even I flip for the prettily dressed up works of art that are actually edible. Try the 'Cigar'. But a word of warning - eat it, not smoke it. Ambience? Many high-profile a seduction has started over a Kir Royale here. Definitely the place for dangerous liaisons.

The Rotisserie & Sea Grill:
The best part about this fine restaurant is the lighting. It's my favourite lunch place. And I have to say, I can't think of a better venue for signing contracts and cracking deals. Let those Blue Martinis do half the job. When in doubt - order another round. Yes, the food. Pricey but classy. Very classy. There's no better risotto in town. The tiger prawns are grilled to perfection - firm and crusty on the outside, moist and juicy on the inside. The salad bar used to be outstanding (where has all the salmon gone?), unfortunately, it has shrunk to a counter-sized station featuring unimaginative staples and standard dressings. The rack of lamb remains the top favourite of tycoons. They need the extra calories while crushing opponents between soup and dessert.

The Golden Dragon:
If you haven't tasted the veggies in a creamy mustard sauce here, you haven't lived. It's one dish I keep going back for. Regulars rave over the steamed fish in a ginger-garlic sauce, but I find it slightly insipid. The dish that breaks my heart (and resolve to watch my weight) features a generous sprinkling of water-chestnuts along with an array of seasonal vegetables. The fragrant, aromatic mushroom "pot rice" is another dish you can't go wrong with, especially when combined with the mustard veggies. I recall a crispy beef Chinese "bhel-puri" (for want of a more appropriate term) that I used to wolf down with steamed rice. It's off the menu now, but the chef does make it on request. The best thing about a 'G.D.' meal is its dependability. I've never come away disappointed or let down.

Samrat:
If it's a wholesome thali meal you're looking for in South Bombay, this is your place. I've been eating here for years and it takes all my will-power to say "nay" when the friendly waiters come by bearing great big quantities of piping hot dal and sabzis. The farsans are superb, so are the chutneys and pickles. But it's really the "dal" I go for - slightly sweet, slightly sour and entirely heavenly. I eat mine with plain rice. Pulao kills the taste a little. Most clients go ga-ga over the mithai. I prefer to eat extra portions of dahi-wadas instead.

Casa Mexicana & El Mexicano:
There's something about Mexican food that doesn't work for me. Perhaps it's the focus on beans of all kinds. I'm not a bean fan, and end up feeling like an over-stuffed bean bag at the end of any Mexican meal. If you take away the noisy Mariachi band and the potent tequila shots - what do you get? Slop drowning under heavy, cheesy sauces. Thanks, but no thanks. The over-rated chicken in chocolate sauce is neither here nor there. It tastes as unappetising as it looks. This sounds like sacrilege (it is)... but give me unpretentious Tex Mex anyday. At least one doesn't have to pretend it's a gourmet experience. How stylish can a plate of nachos get? No way, Jose.

Goa Portuguesa:
To be fair, I've been there just once. When it was newly opened. The point is I never felt like going back. See what I mean? Why? Because I found the atmosphere and hard-sell overwhelming. I found the prices outrageous. And frankly, if I want authentic Goan food, I'd rather jump on a plane and go to Goa, to Baga, to Anthony's. I find oppressively "themed" restaurants just that - oppressive. The food was so-so. It's the ambience I couldn't bear. Maybe it's my loss entirely.

Chopsticks:
Ever since I spotted a fat, aggressive roach scampering across the wall in this restaurant, I decided this is it. There was no way I'd be going back. But even if it hadn't been an errant cockroach, I'd still have thought a million times before returning. The food was distinctly "Chinjabi" - like a channa-batura chef had been given a wok and some soya sauce and asked to go to work. Tasty, yes. But far from Chinese. The buffet used to offer value-for-money meals. But hey - did you really want to eat cauliflower and green peas sauteed in commercial tomato-chilly sauce? Sounds yucky? It was yucky. Bon appetit.